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Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

Time:12:29 am.

Crossing my fingers , Teo !

I need to find time to write . And read . Le sigh . Life goes on and I cannot sit idle twiddling my thumbs .

Now THAT is a privilege that escapes me .

Run white rabbit .

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

Subject:Another year !
Time:8:15 pm.

You try to keep a log of your life , but that seems hard to do when life doesn't stop . Hahaha .

One more month till Vegas !

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Friday, January 18th, 2008

Time:1:51 am.
I vowed to make changes this year . Things that really change the course of what I want my lfie to be . And now that I'm faced with those "life-changing" ones , I'm scared to . Knowing what the consequences are . I have this strong urge to just go for it . Love with all my might , put myself at risk . Let things come and jump without fear . Then hesitation . Doubt . Reality kicks in . When your confidence is shattered by a single question : "What if things don't work out the way you hoped , and you lose it all"
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Sunday, January 13th, 2008

Time:11:31 pm.
Do you deny what could possibly be
and has been
the best thing in your life
or allow yourself to fall blindly
in to what could pain you for life ?
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

Time:10:00 pm.
Waves collide
Anger supplied
Calming weather
Lasts for never
Shades of gray
May always stay
For without
The touch
The feel
The sound
Of steel
Nothing may take
The pain away
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Saturday, January 5th, 2008

Time:9:50 pm.
I can't help this feeling
It's like a really delayed reaction
But I can't seem to keep it out
Of my head anymore
I can't seem to throw it to side
And not think about it
I'm hurt . In many ways .
Things maybe I did to me
And me alone .
Maybe what hurts more is that
You don't seem to care
In any way
Maybe if I think that
It'll help me get over it
Yeah ...
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

Time:11:47 pm.
Asking someone else other than the person you came with
To drop you off home
Makes me feel like I'm not important
Especially when you do that
Without telling me first
And the fact that you didn't come
Hurt even more
I planned this day so we could spend it together
Cause I've been working everysinglefuckingday
And it seems like the only time I get to see you
Is at night
I took off so we could do something
At normal hours
Just you and me
And what do you do ?
You invite your other friends that you see most of the time
You make plans without telling me ahead of time
Plans that derailed what I had planned
And you make like everything is okay
I have a reason to be FURIOUS
And you shouldn't
You don't go out of your way
To do these things
You come when it's convient for you
When you have a ride on this side
When the people you're riding with
Plan to come on this side
That's some fcuked up shit
It would mean more if you took time out of your way
To actually come and visit
To come and spend time with me
But you don't
You never do
You don't show appreciation
You don't show affection
And when you do
It just seems like you just want to fcuk around
I've said time and time again
We can't go on
We can't do this anymore
But you're always the one to come back
I have no idea why I let you back
I may never know
I'm not sure where this will lead
I don't even know what I want from you anymore
If I even want you at all
In my life
Again ... we're at the end of our road once more
Are we just going to repeat the circle once more
Because I don't think I can
Something needs to change
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Saturday, November 3rd, 2007

Time:12:17 am.
I'm really starting to hate this feeling .
I can't even begin to describe it .
Just a whole mess of things to think about .
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Friday, October 26th, 2007

Time:2:55 am.
I think I did .
And maybe it's true .
But what else can I do .
But see things through .
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Sunday, September 23rd, 2007

Time:12:17 am.
Being at the wedding made me realize things . One of them is having to write a toast speech for Janelle's wedding one day . And I should write one starting now . Of times that stick out . All the memories we've made . So on that special day , we both can remember the crazy things we've done . And actually remembering them , making sure we never forget .

Being at that wedding being surrounded by couples and married people , surprisingly didn't make feel lonely . I thought it would . I miss having a companion . But I'm fine where I am . Funny thing is , I don't even know where I stand . Which is quite fine with me . I need to stop trying to categorize my relationships and just let it be . Have my fun .

Kelsie put that perspective in a rather funny but true way . She and this guy have been very flirty with eachother for a while , and everyone's been pressuring them to just go out/date/be serious . And her simple answer was just " No , because I'm single ", and it really is that simple . You have less things to worry about when you're single . And having someone with that kind of freedom is the best . Which of course, the other person can use that on you . The whole " We're not even going out with eachother " bullshit that even I HATE with a passion .

Sometimes I wish I did have someone , but really I have people to be with . We don't HAVE to be serious . No one needs to know (except for my girls), and I'm starting to like that idea . Discreet . Which is , of course , exciting .
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Thursday, September 20th, 2007

Time:10:28 pm.
I'm not quite ready to tell anyone yet .
And maybe I'll pull another New York trip .
Move without telling anyone .
Except my closest friends .
I think it's better that way .
Less painful .
Quicker goodbyes .
Los Angeles .
Target .
Now to just make it happen .
In a couple months .
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

Time:5:09 am.
Today I play no music
In memory of my heart
That had no chance in love
Right from the very start

For 7 years I thought I knew
What it consisted of
Those feelings that come from deep inside
Was what they had called love

An optimistic view upon
The future, I must say
One that could last forever
Until this very day

Little did I know
This ride that I was in
Would pull me through emotions
I never knew were within

The first year was a feeling
I've never experienced before
I met the very person
I knew I would adore

It was a little difficult
To voice these feelings I hid
To open up a part of me
Though I'm very glad I did

The second year brought felicity
An unstoppable force I knew
Will never succumb to anything
Until our lives were through

We had some minute problems
That were easily overcome
That shaped our lives immensely
To what we would become

Security, honesty, and trust
Were defined by our year three
With our belligerent arguements
To a tolerable degree

Though they were very far apart
And never out of hand
A lesson they did carry
That taught us to understand

An unbelievable achievement
To have lasted very long
Year four was the turning point
And nothing could go wrong

An unexpected downhill spiral
A dangerous dive of death
A sudden change of story
That left me with no breath

Before the fifth year ended
I lost the very one
Darkness came and overwhelmed me
Like a bullet in a gun

My tears became the ocean
My enemy, the day
As I put my heart together
In my very own way

Slowly did I muster the courage
To showcase my heart once more
But rarely did I let anyone
Come close to the very core

Until one day a person
Had opened up to me
And made me somewhat realize
What love could possibly be

I was too blinded by the past
To realize what was here all this time
A feeling that could not be describe
In neither song nor rhyme

But by then, it was too late
You were with somebody new
And all that I could do was hope
That what you said were true

"I held your hand through thick and thin
Right from the very start
And in my palm I trusted you
With a piece of my own heart

So if you must please share my love
With the person that you think is right
The person who will keep you safe and warm
All throughout the night

The one you kiss, the one you hug
The one you feel is true
When you find him then you'll know
Their love's my gift to you"

I believed this words you said to me
In life they helped me through
None stood out nor fit the bill
Till the day that I met you

I held your hands, and kissed your lips
On the rooftop I gave my soul
And in my palm, I had my heart
The present as a whole

And tonight my world shattered once more

So today I play no music
Because love was never real
It's not that amazing sensation
That people say you feel

Today I play no music
In memory of my heart
Love was non-existant
Right from the very start
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Friday, December 29th, 2006

Time:3:45 am.
First off let me proclaim that I'm not a hoe.

Tips On Sucking Dick

1. First off this is crucial, make sure you brush your teeth. Going down on a guy with nasty teeth or food particals is so fucking nasty.

2. Please do not look at the guy while you are giving him head. That is creepy. If you're doing it right, the last thing he wants to look at is your ass peering up at him. Focus on the dick.

3. Don't try to do any special shit when you're not sure about it. This isn't a circus, its a blow job so don't fuck around.

4. Dont bring any special ingredients unless you properly know how to use it. Don't sit here and bring some chocolate syrup and you're not sure where it goes and end up causing a mess. Your ass should be slapped for that.

5. Dont try to multi-task. Don't sit here and try to suck his dick, lick his balls, and try a million things all at the same time. If you know you cant suck his dick and lick his balls at the same time then DON'T DO IT you dumb bitch.

6. Extend your throat muscles. The best way to do this is to practice on those push pop ice cream things. Thats how I learned and now I don't gag when I deep throat. Deep throating is a delicacy for him. DON'T FUCK IT UP! I cannot stress this enough. Practice makes perfect. Suck on bananas, suckers, push pops. Please practice. It's like a girl getting fucked for the first time. Here couchy muscles are tense and tight. Now the only difference is a girl wants her couchy muscles to always be tight. You, on the other hand, want your throat to loosen up.

7. Don't sit here and try to suck his dick and talk dirty. All you will get is a big "shut the fuck up" from him and when you do, don't get an attitude with him. He is trying to enjoy the passionate journey his dick is going through, he doesn't need to hear a fucking narrarator. Shut your ass up and suck.

8. Make sure you start in a comfortable position. If he is standing up and you're on your knees, you better be comfy, because if your not and halfway through you want to switch position, that will catch you a dirty look because he doesn't want to do anything but feel his dick being sucked.

9. Please don't plan a dick sucking. *sigh*. That's just so....so....slutty. A dick sucking should be like a first kiss, just spontaneous when both parties are in the mood.

10. Fhis is the biggest one of all. DO NOT USE YOUR FUCKING TEETH!!!!!!!!!! That shit hurts like a mofo. OMG... that will make the guy cry if he feels sharp ass teeth grinding against his dick.

Well I hope you take these tips into consideration for when you suck dick again. If you have questions or comments, just let me know. Bye!
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Tuesday, December 12th, 2006

Time:12:29 am.
My glares burn through her.
And i'm sure that such actions are not foreign to her,
because her realness charges through my mentality
like a scoundrel rose sprouted from concrete.
But past tupac-influenced linguistics
in essence her beauty is, well, the essence of beauty.
And in the presence of this higher being,
the weakness of my masculinity kicks in,
causing me to personify my wannabe big-baller, shot-caller,
God's gift to the female species with shiny suit wrapping rapping like,
"yo what's crackin shorty how you livin' what's your sign what's your size I dig your style, yo."
Now this girl was no fool
and she gives me a dirty look with the quickness like,
"Boy you must be dumb."
So i'm thinking to myself,
"Boy you must be dumb."
But looking upon her I am kinda digging her style, yenno?

And so this stupid ass (me) opens my mouth again
and instead of addressing her properly,
I blurt out one of my fake-ass playalistic lines like,
"Gurl, you must be a traffic ticket cuz you got fine written all over you."
So she starts to head out the door
and i'm trying to keep her here
because this is the first one with real hair and real eyes that i've seen for a long time.

So at a final attempt, I utter,
"Gurl, what's your ethnic makeup?"

At this point
her glare's scorching through me,
and somehow she manages to make her brown eyes
resemble some brown fire or something,
but there's no snap or head movement,
no palm to face, click of tongue, middle finger,
roll of eyes, twist of lips, or girl power chant.
She just glares through me with these burning eyes
and her gaze grabs me by the throat.

She says, "ethnic makeup?"
Now i'm gulping with nervousness.
She says, "first of all, makeup's just an anglicized, colonized, commodified utility
that my sisters have been programmed to consume,
covering up their natural state
in order to emulate what another sister looks like in her natural state
because people keep telling her
that the other sister's natural state is more beautiful
than the first sister's natural state.
At the same time,
the other sister isn't even in her natural state,
because she's trying to emulate yet another sister,
so in actuality, the natural state that the first sister's trying to emulate
isn't even natural in the first place.
But we won't even get into that though."

Now I'm thinking, "Damn, this girl's kicking knowledge!"
Meanwhile, she probably wants to be kicking my head in.
Her gaze pulls me in again.
She says, "But fine. I'll tell you my 'ethnic makeup.'"
Now I'm gulping harder.

She says, "I wear foundation,
but not that powdery shit,
I wear the foundation laid by my indigenous people.
This foundation is
my foremothers, my foresisters, my aunties, my nieces, and my daughters.
It's that foundation that makes it so that past being globalized,
I can still vocalize with confidence that I know where my roots are.
I wear this foundation not upon my face, but within my soul,
and I scoop this from the sands of my pacific shores
because I'll be damned if I ever let an american or european corporation
tell me what my foundation should look like.

I don't wear lipstick,
but my lips stick to the ears of men,
so they can experience in surround sound my screams of agony
with each lash of rulers, measuring tape, and scales,
like as if my waistline and weight are inversely related to my value as a human being.
Your media fantasies crack constantly on my torn back,
and when one of your brothers tries to sympathize with me,
you have the nerve to call him 'pussy whipped?'
No, my lips, they stick, but not together.
Rather, they flail open with flames to burn down the past mindsets that kept them shut.
But I don't' wear lipstick,
because I want to make sure you're aware that my words come out raw and real,
and not all color-coated and pretty-like.

And I won't mess with eye shadow,
but my eyes shadow over history where you've gone at ends to keep me blind.
But you can't cover my eyes.
Look into them.
My eyes foreshadow change.
My eyes foreshadow light.

And i'm not into hair dyeing.
But i'm here, dying, because this oppression won't get out of my hair.
I have these highlights.
They are highlights of my past atrocities,
they form this oppression I can't wash off.
It tangles around my mind and twists and braids me in layers,
this oppression manifests,
it's stressing me so that even though i don't color my hair,
in a couple of years it'll look like i dyed it gray.

So what's my ethnic makeup?
I don't have any.
Because your ethnicity isn't something you can just make up.
And as for that crap my sisters paint on their faces, that's not makeup;
it's make-believe."
I can't seem to look up at her.
and I'm sure that such actions aren't foreign to her
because the expression on her face
shows that she knows that my mind is in a trance.
As her footsteps fade
my ego is left in crutches.

And rejection never sounded so good.
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Friday, September 8th, 2006

Time:3:18 am.

Okay so. I'm going to LA on the 25th for 2 weeks. Gonna be at Six Flags for that event thing on the 29th. WHOOOHOOHOOO. I don't know what else but yeahhh. Anyone from LJ wanna come hang? Haha. I'll be coming up with two friends and we're lookin to PARTY HARD.
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Saturday, August 12th, 2006

Time:12:21 am.
"Friend is such an empty word now"

How true it has become. I didn't realize it till I said out loud "These people are your friends" that struck me as "Friends wouldn't do that". I've been looking too much for a person's good side that I've forgotten about the bad side that comes with it. Usually it's the other way around with people, but my optimistic side refuses to listen.

And I guess that's my flaw. I've tried to maintain a balance in my life, but I didn't realize the scale has tipped.

I guess back to diversity.
Comments: 3 Slippin' Under | - |Kiss My Lips.

Monday, July 24th, 2006

Time:9:10 pm.
Let the world come crashing down.
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

Tuesday, June 20th, 2006

Subject:Gay Dic
Time:3:26 pm.
After-hours -- where you go when the bars are closed and you still haven't found someone to sleep with.

Baggage -- the excuse people use to punish their current boyfriends for things that their past boyfriends have done to them.

Bicurious -- gay

Bisexual -- gay

Bitter -- what all gay men are destined to become. Caused by drama and stress (see below).

Bottom -- orientation preferred by 95% of the gay population

Butch -- what gay men who don't think they act gay call themselves. Actual butch men will never need to use this term.

Cuddle -- sexual activity in which there is no exchange of bodily fluid.

Drama -- an imaginary condition made up by sad, lonely individuals with no real problems in their life who feel the need to drag stable, well-balanced individuals who are trying to make a valuable contribution to society down to their level in hopes of making themselves feel better.

Ex -- 1) anyone you've slept with more than once.
2) a club drug popular in the late 90's.

Excedrin -- what every gay man should have in his medicine cabinet.

Expiration Dating - Frequent hot sex with someone you know is only in town for a short period of time, and that you know you have no chance of actually dating seriously because they aren't local.

Gaylights -- an unnatural highlighting of the hair that no straight man would be caught dead with.

Gurl -- the first word of every sentence. "Gurl, you 'bout ready to go?" or "Gurl, I haven't had sex in 3 days!"

Gym Bunny -- a troll who has realized that his only chance of getting laid is to work out every day.

Hayyy -- a greeting. The gayer you are, the more Y's you put at the end.

Homewrecker -- the person who stole your ex

Omaha Diet -- unnatural weight loss caused by nonprescription medications. Also known as Jenny Crank.

One Night Stand or ONS -- a very short-term relationship, the end of which is signified by someone putting on their pants.

Mary- see Gurl.

Philson Sex -- sexual activity in which everybody wants to get off, but nobody does. Enables you to have a one night stand without actually becoming classified as a whore, yet still significantly more intensive than cuddling.

Rough Trade -- a one night stand that you will later pretend never happened.

Shot -- when you need to get drunker faster

Stress -- a non-imaginary condition brought on by the drama of others

Top -- see Bottom

Trade -- what you bring home from the bar, paid for in services rendered.

Troll - anyone older than you that wants you to go home with them.

Trick -- See Trade

Twelve -- how old you are if you're not 21

Universe -- the area of space contained within a three-foot diameter of every gay man.

Versatile -- glorified Bottom (but will top if absolutely necessary)

Whore -- anyone who has more sex than you.
Comments: 1 Slippin' Under | - |Kiss My Lips.

Sunday, June 4th, 2006

Subject:Drag Prayer (extended)
Time:11:33 pm.
Dear Heavenly Drag Goddess, thank you for providing us with sickoning iggys that make some of us look like Beyonce, Alicia Keys, and Tyra Banks. For MAC make-up which does wonders for the average boy and butchy. Bronzer, which if I may add, Aleeciya live for, and the ability to conjure for days... and yes, I do mean days. For contour powder and highlighting powder that allow us to make our faces look skinny, give us cleavage, formed temples, and hides our adams apple. For stores like Journeys that carry size 10 hooker heels and stilletoes that make us look sickoning. For Y-11 Eyelashes. For Studio Fix. For concealers. For duct tape and surgical tape. For hott remixes we can perform to. For spotlights and tippers.

And most important. Thank you for alcohol.
Comments: 1 Slippin' Under | - |Kiss My Lips.

Monday, May 15th, 2006

Time:3:35 am.
If ever in my life I need to know the truth, it would be now. To possess a great deal of knowledge does not compare to that of knowing a single truth. Something that you can heavily rely on to know for certain what the outcome of things will be. To persue a dream with no trails of storm in sight. Side by side as you may say.

If ever in my life that I may know what is the right decision, it would be now. To fully involve myself into a project and know that every sacrifice I give, every sweat that drops, to every suffering I endure, will be for the best. That this, this is the one. Brought forth from a dream.

If ever in my life that I have met the right person, well... that's beyond our hands. But I believe that people cross paths for a reason. And I'll enjoy the journey we'll make whether long or short. It's an experience I'll carry with me.

I don't know how to react to it. Plain and simple. Intuition and instict tell me yes, but logic makes his stand. Two against one. Yet the force of one makes his point. Damn logic. The one reason that takes away my ability to dream, to hope, to even have amorous feelings.

Logic. The very chain that holds me down. My double-bladed sword in life. The weapon I perfer sheathed when it comes to these crossroads. Where I won't be so cynically or pretentiously callous.

I really want to believe everyone will have a happy ending, but in this time and age, in this modern day Babylon, it's very hard to be optimistic about a lot of things. Especially about finding the right one. The soul-mate. The other half. The one you're meant to be with.

To feel complete, assured, secure that everything will be alright. That your happy ending is secured at the end. When things go wrong, and fix themselves before it creates a disturbance in your zen garden. True happiness - my swordbreaker.

And if, at the end of that damned yellowbrick road, you're still there. The one I started this journey with, not a step before nor after, but in perfect stride... then that would be wonderful.
Comments: Kiss My Lips.

LiveJournal for Mike Oxhard.


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